Moby Dick

Here I am again, with a mind running into the void. It's not as scary as you would think, until you look back. Where did you just take yourself? Somehow I feel like I went down a corridor and all the doors on the sides have all these moments that are hidden behind a lock for a reason. It's interesting too have painful and bittersweet memories so close to each other.

In these rooms the attention to little details surrounding the events are so vivid at first glance but the more you try to focus on them the more blurry they become and you start sliding backwards out of the door with your feet providing no friction to something you wish you could get back. You're back in the corridor and the door all of a sudden has an additional lock on it. You can just go back in but you know this is process that'll just keep repeating so you rather just move on.

Moving on is different for everyone and every situation, some just repress and regress and others try to observe their mistakes and try to improve. I don't know where I fall in most of these. I think I try to repress, realise that I'm making another mistake try to learn a bit from it, get scared and regress and then eventually just forget about what I was moving on from. I find myself in very similar situations from time to time and it's as if my past "experience" is nullified by my own stubbornness to adapt to my surroundings.

You sometimes need to go back to hunt down these demons that are running wild in your head. This is when you realise how ingrown memories can become. The locks start to make more sense and it's not stop you from going back but it's to stop your demons from coming back to haunt you. Even if struggle to move on from things, you realise that you are doing better than you thought at first. You start heading to the lounge at the end of the corridor and kick up your feet. You just rewent through some major traumatic memories and you deserve the rest.

Here I am again, resting my mind at the edge of the void. I look back and see the streaks of light underneath all the doors in the corridor. It's more scary than you thought when you see a shadow break the light but rest assured, you have faced all of this before. You are stronger than you realised because the bittersweet and painful memories are actually all behind just one door, the corridor's door.