Sleep Forever

Here I am again, hiding away from the mistakes I've made. I never thought all these little things would add up but a tonne of feathers still weighs a tonne. It seems to be a very concentrated tonne of feathers as well, like  a pillow used in a malicious pillow fight, it seems very light hearted at first but when it hits you, you absolutely move.

The funniest thing about making mistakes is that you don't always realise that you even made one. Somehow ignorance seems to be a family member of mistake and sometimes like kissing cousins they get together and makes everything just a little bit more uncomfortable than things appear for someone on the outside. It isn't romantic in nature but all the connotations with kissing makes it more than it needs to be and that makes for awkward family gatherings.

A question that has been bothering me is; "Where does our childlike innocence disappear off to?". Why do we lose it in the first place? Does it disappear with the cumulation of knowledge? Is it really that closely related to ignorance? They say ignorance is bliss and that doesn't sit well with me. I want to know what's going on in my surroundings and in my life and maybe I am ignorant to a lot of things but bliss is definitely not a word I would use to describe what I'm feeling. I feel something more akin to anxious and in dire need of being wrapped up by the softest blankets I can find.

Where can you go to when you need comfort? I usually hide away in a pillowfort with a couple of things to help me through the hardest parts of this pillow fight. Something that helps me are the friends and loved ones I need to go back to, they stay present in my mind, after all it's for them you are fighting this fight and not just giving up at the first sign of adversity. The hunt for knowledge is one of my biggest pursuits. Knowing where you stand with yourself is a very underated gift a lot of people get to experience and I need to share that with the friends and loved ones I'm fighting for.

Here I am again, wondering when I can leave this foxhole, when all these feathers will be scattered and strewn over this beddlefield. Every feather still adds to the tonne but there isn't a concentration of mass any more.  What innocence is there left to lose? Am I still ignorant without the addition of bliss? At this point I think the only way to find out is to go deeper undercovers and spend more time getting accustomed to this malicious pillow fight.